21

This has been too big of a deal for me for far too long. The 21 symbolizes 21 days... the 21 days I may or may not have left to live. Here's the thing... 21 days from now is February 8th, and it's 3 days before I turn 42. Some of you already know this, some of you don't, so let me recap. My dad died 3 days before his 42nd birthday. If I am alive after February 8th, essentially, I will be older than my father. That's so hard for me to imagine, so, for some reason, I have this notion in my head that, on that day, I will cease to exist.

Sure, I have a rational mind that tells me I'm full of shit. I live a much healthier lifestyle than my dad ever did, and I have no risk factors that would contribute to my untimely demise, but still, that thought is there... what if a cement truck hits me? what if I choke on something? I mean, I don't necessarily have to have a fatal heart attack, so, yeah, it's scary.

I've decided... After this date has come and gone... I mean, really, I'm sure it will... I'll use it as a figurative jumping off point to make some changes. Why not now? Well... I need something to take the fear out of the day... something to look forward to because, Gods know, turning 42 isn't incentive. Really? Who wants to get older. In fact, maybe I'll turn 40 again and start aging backwards. If I make it to 0, I'll start going up again.

So, yeah, I can't fathom being older than my dad, and, hey, most of my bucket list items have been fulfilled. Ya never know, right?