Destination

I keep sitting here wanting to do something... I want to create something; more specifically, I want to write something, yet, when I sit down to do so, nothing happens. It reminds me of something I heard from the three stooges many years ago that I've never forgotten... "I'm trying to think, but nothing's happening." I'm not sure why I've been consumed by this compulsion to write something down. I sit down, and I feel like I simply... can't. I mean, as evidenced by this blog, I'm quite capable of typing out words that come out in some sort of coherent fashion, but it's nothing like what I'd love to do... what I was, at one time, able to do. Maybe I need to devote more time to this? I don't know, but, what I do know is that I need to get my groove back. It's frustrating the hell out of me. Period.

I think, what pisses me off the most is that, when I'm out and about or occupied by something else, my mind is literally overflowing with ideas, yet I can't seem to remember any when I sit down to compose greatness. Something's gotta give. Soon. Before I start to feel like I'm becoming a dumbass again. I don't have the capability of putting myself through college again to prove something to myself. Yes... I did that before. Several thousand dollars of my own money spent only to prove something to myself. Fundamentally, I found it to be worth it, but I couldn't do it again. There are too many other things to consider here now.

So... yeah... I guess I'll ramble with my thoughts now. I'm pretty ... happy ... here lately. Sometimes, I wonder if I'm only inspired when I'm miserable. That's entirely possible, I suppose. I guess, if that's the case, I'll have to contentedly live the rest of my days without ever generating a potent thought ever again because I'm NOT going to compromise the joy I've found. I mean, there are other artistic outlets I can cultivate.

Maybe my gift for the written word was to be a short-lived thing... maybe it was a way to deal with things I hadn't dealt with so they could be put away. Ultimately, they and it allowed me to be here. I feel like I've arrived. Time to get off the bus and enjoy.