I was thinking, today, as I was driving to work ... I was thinking about my favorite topic of late, and that would be my amazing boyfriend, Michael. More specifically, I was thinking about our relationship and my role in it as compared to my role in past relationships. I know that, in the grand scheme of things, Michael and I haven't really been together for very long, but, the thing is this... it's been long enough that I know something is assuredly different here. What's different is me, and I'm different because of him.
It's very true that, in human relationships, that people play off of the vibes of one another. Often times, we do these things without realizing it's even going on. I know that, in the past, I'd already be turning into someone I really don't like very much at this stage of a relationship. There would already have been that first disagreement, that first argument, or that first hint of a cluster fuck of head games that make you question what you think you know. That isn't so here. It simply isn't.
See, games make me feel ugly because they elicit responses from me that I don't really care for. I've always seen myself as a reasonable, laid back, trusting, and secure person. Someone plays games, though, and it seems all that goes out the window. It's, unfortunately, something I never notice right away. When I do, however, I take the necessary steps to rectify the situation. I mean, never again will I be someone I don't like; moreover, I will not be someone I don't like because of another person's influence. Fuck that noise.
Anyhow, none of that nonsense is going on now. What I have going on now is 800 degrees of wonderful. Often times, I sit back (who am I kidding? ALL the time...) and think, "so this is what it's like to have exactly everything I've ever wanted". "so this is what it's like to be genuinely cared about." "so this is what it's like to NOT have your head fucked with."
and... guess what? I realized, today, while I was driving to work... I'm exactly the person I always thought I was.
