Monday, April 20, 2015

Week 21 Plateaus suck

Down 66 pounds... still.

I guess my body is catching up from last month's 3 weeks of near starvation.  I don't think I'm eating any differently, and I've gone back to the gym.  Why isn't that scale budging?  I really wish they'd just taken my gallbladder out when they did my bypass.  I need to slow my mind down and just look at this like any other plateau.  This, too, shall pass.

It's almost time to go buy new clothes.  I'm excited that I "get to", but I'm ambivalent because I really don't know what's out there now.  That, and ... hey ... I've always been oddly proportioned.  That hasn't changed even though I've lost the equivalent of a 7 year old.  I'm still thick around the middle and will have a muffin top forever or... until I get my tummy tuck.  I guess I'm afraid that newer, smaller clothes are just going to make me feel huge again.  It's a mind fuck of sorts.  Smaller clothes making me feel huge.  Hopefully, someone, somewhere, understands.  Maybe I'll end up looking in a mirror and feeling like a jackass for saying that.

In order to realize that I'm not fucking up big time, I have decided to log my food and exercise through myfitnesspal for a few days.  Then, I'll know if I'm really doing what the doctor ordered or if I'm screwing myself all to hell and back.  I guess we shall see!!

I cleared my closets out.  I pulled out about 15 pair of pants/capris that are too big for me.

That's about it for today.

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Week 19

Down 66 pounds.

I wish, when the nutritionist handed me a list of new things I can eat at my last check up, that popcorn had never been on the list.  Here I am trying to break another addiction.  Yeah... it's the least of evils because it's minimal calories, and I do get the "light" kind, but...  It's yet another thing I mindlessly shove in my mouth.  I could be using my meal opportunities to get real nutrition.

I'm pretty sure I'm fully recovered from my gallbladder surgery.  Nothing hurts, so I went to the gym yesterday.  I was pretty impressed with myself.  I went a whole 30 minutes on the elliptical after not having worked out for almost 2 months.  I figured I'd be missing out on all the progress I'd made.  I guess not.

This month is my 5 month surgery anniversary.  Next month, I get to have steak.  I'm soooo excited.  Michael and I have decided that's what we'll have for our anniversary dinner.

I've been slacking because there's really not much to say anymore.

I have good days and bad days.  I have days where, even though I can now wear the smallest clothes in my closet, I know that, unless you knew me before, if you looked at me, you'd still see a fat girl.  I have days where none of that matters and all I can see is a girl who is getting where she needs to be and is proud of herself.  The difference in those days?  I blame hormones.