This will be a daily blog commencing tomorrow, 9/1/11. Anyone want to join in? I'd love to read what you have to say!!
Get to know me, the real me, and not what you think you know, want to see, or anything like that.
Day 01 Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 Someone you didn't want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know.
Day 11 Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 Something or someone you couldn't live without, because you've tried living without it.
Day 16 Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 A book you've read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 Something you wish you hadn't done in your life.
Day 23 Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 The reason you believe you're still alive today.
Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 What's the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
The Constant Stranger...
Sometimes, we cling on to things we don't need anymore because of the comfort associated with them... The danger in this is that we can become dependent on those things, as they begin to feed and sustain us. Next thing you know, we begin to identify ourselves by the baggage we're carrying around. And... why? I mean, the word baggage, unless you're referring to suitcases when used for travel, usually always has a negative connotation, and why do we want to associate ourselves with negative things? Particularly when the negative doesn't usually generate a positive outcome. How many of us have TRULY taken a negative and made it into something good? I feel I have now, for sure, but it hasn't always been that way. I know, before, I've always held it close to me, let it rule me, let it give me an excuse to be distant, cold, bitchy, and fearful. WHY???
I know, with me, I carried around the notion that if I didn't have "it" (my baggage), then I had nothing. I'm not sure why I felt that way, I kind of just did... I guess, since I didn't have anything current in the works, I guess my baggage proved that I had, at one time, been part of something... That makes no sense, but, hey, who says human emotion has to make a shit ton of sense? It very rarely has, it very rarely will, and who are we to tell it that it "should"?
Anyhow, it reminds me of a piece of sheer brilliance I read this evening in Corey Taylor's book, "Seven Deadly Sins." It goes a little something like this... "It is the fear of being the constant stranger: never being recognized, reconciled, or rewarded..."
Seriously... How awesome is that? Seriously... How TRUE is that? When you are a stranger, no one knows you... (duh, right?) When no one knows you, how will you ever be recognized for the awesome that you are, how will you ever be reconciled or rewarded with the end-all be-all of human accomplishment? For me, the statement is all about people who are searching for something. Something they don't know how to find within. Trust me, people... as a reformed validation seeker, I can assure you it's all right there... people loving you isn't going to give you what you need. YOU loving you will be more than you ever need, though.
I guess I decided my bags were too cumbersome. It was getting tiresome to explain why this or that bothered me, why I guarded myself in some ways but not others... it was just getting... OLD. and why was any of it even there? Did I even remember anymore? Well, yeah, but still... None of it is important anymore, none of it is doing me any good in the least... So I worked a little magick for myself today. I've buried things that are best left behind. I walked away without looking back, and now, I'm of the mind of, and, yes, I'm going to quote pure Corey Taylor genius again...
"let's throw away our old bags and buy new shit at the airport..."
I know, with me, I carried around the notion that if I didn't have "it" (my baggage), then I had nothing. I'm not sure why I felt that way, I kind of just did... I guess, since I didn't have anything current in the works, I guess my baggage proved that I had, at one time, been part of something... That makes no sense, but, hey, who says human emotion has to make a shit ton of sense? It very rarely has, it very rarely will, and who are we to tell it that it "should"?
Anyhow, it reminds me of a piece of sheer brilliance I read this evening in Corey Taylor's book, "Seven Deadly Sins." It goes a little something like this... "It is the fear of being the constant stranger: never being recognized, reconciled, or rewarded..."
Seriously... How awesome is that? Seriously... How TRUE is that? When you are a stranger, no one knows you... (duh, right?) When no one knows you, how will you ever be recognized for the awesome that you are, how will you ever be reconciled or rewarded with the end-all be-all of human accomplishment? For me, the statement is all about people who are searching for something. Something they don't know how to find within. Trust me, people... as a reformed validation seeker, I can assure you it's all right there... people loving you isn't going to give you what you need. YOU loving you will be more than you ever need, though.
I guess I decided my bags were too cumbersome. It was getting tiresome to explain why this or that bothered me, why I guarded myself in some ways but not others... it was just getting... OLD. and why was any of it even there? Did I even remember anymore? Well, yeah, but still... None of it is important anymore, none of it is doing me any good in the least... So I worked a little magick for myself today. I've buried things that are best left behind. I walked away without looking back, and now, I'm of the mind of, and, yes, I'm going to quote pure Corey Taylor genius again...
"let's throw away our old bags and buy new shit at the airport..."
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Defining Moments (Part 2)
As I recall, the times I've felt happiest in my life were when I've pleased myself. I remember the day I realized I was filled with complete joy and happiness. I was sitting on the sidewalk patio of the local coffee shop with friends. We were talking and laughing. That day, I'd had a kick ass workout, and I was feeling good about myself. In the midst of laughter, I realized I was with people who genuinely love me, people who I genuinely love. What more did I need?
That's when I understood. I remember telling my friend, Joanna, the other night, "I remember the moment I understood." This is that moment. Love is love, and being happy is being happy. I felt whole and complete on my own. That was the end of my journey. That was the beginning of my journey.
That's when I understood. I remember telling my friend, Joanna, the other night, "I remember the moment I understood." This is that moment. Love is love, and being happy is being happy. I felt whole and complete on my own. That was the end of my journey. That was the beginning of my journey.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Nastiness
There has been so much nastiness in the world here lately. It's a shame, really. Honestly? I don't really know how to deal with it all, so I don't. I do, however, have a few friends that have been deeply affected by the local events of this past weekend. I'm at a complete loss as to how to reach out to them. See... it really isn't my way to dwell on the nastiness that the world throws at us in the form of horrible people who do unspeakable things. It is my way to remind the people I care about that there is goodness/kindness in the world. I will show you that in the form of a kind word, encouragement, a smile, or even a joke when I think you need it. This doesn't mean I'm not thinking of the bad things... what it means is that I'm, in my own way, trying to contribute something good.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Defining Moments (Part 1)
Last night, I was checking out the page of a new Facebook friend. We all do it, right? The stuff we put on our pages is there for the consumption of the folks on our friends list, right? haha. Anyhow, I was perusing the notes section, and I read this note. It seemed this one instance in this person's life had defined, mostly, who and what he is today. Not that this matters... Seems the situation hasn't created anything bad, but it just got me thinking... Do I have one defining event in my life that has molded and shaped who/what I am today? Honestly, I'm not sure.
It seems to me that I'm made up of bits and pieces... bits and pieces from random, myriad situations. I give because I was denied, and I remember how it feels. I am kind because I know how unkindness feels. I am generous because I've experienced selfishness. I defend myself because I remember the feeling of helplessness all too well. This list could go on and on, but none of that is what's important here.
I guess what struck me is, once again, the vast differences between human beings, and this is something that fascinates me to no end. Why do people think as they do? Why does one prefer red and the other, blue? Why is one good, but the other is bad? Of course, I could be thinking way too much about one thing someone posted on Facebook, but, to me, what's important is that it made me think about who I am and why I am that person. It's a good start, for me, because, here lately, I've been so unsure of so many things. That's a departure for me. One I've decided I can no longer live with.
Let's start with the basics.
I'm 41 years old. I'm single/divorced. I word it this way because my marriage was so very long ago that I feel like "divorced" no longer defines my current state of affairs. I married a month out of high school because A.) I was pregnant and B.) I wanted to leave home. My marriage wasn't ever great. There never really was the potential for "happily ever after". It was, in fact, a quick fix for what ailed me, and what ailed me was a loathing and contempt for living in my mother's home in Akron,OH. Soon, however, what ailed me more was living with a physically abusive man.
Go ahead, go on about how awful that must have been. Guess what? It wasn't the worst thing that's ever happened to me. It was pretty easy to get out of it, actually. Why? Because physical abuse is easy. You can see it for what it is. It's not like emotional or mental abuse, you know, the kind that causes you to question, "is this really happening, or am I imagining things?" or "really? Maybe I am a complete and total fuck up." Physical abuse? There's no denying what it is... When someone slams you in the face with their fist, it's plain as day, sweetheart. Get the fuck out. So I did. The only thing it cost me was my pride in having to return to a place I hated. Oh well... Like I said, worse things have happened to me. In fact, I don't even count my marriage as my most significant relationship.
I'm not, in fact, entirely sure any of them have been the most significant. They're all bits and pieces of the patchwork quilt that is me and who I am. It's colorful, and the patches are all intricately sewn together. The colors don't particularly match, but it's mismatching in a way that creates a stunning conglomeration of beauty and reality. Welcome to my world.
It seems to me that I'm made up of bits and pieces... bits and pieces from random, myriad situations. I give because I was denied, and I remember how it feels. I am kind because I know how unkindness feels. I am generous because I've experienced selfishness. I defend myself because I remember the feeling of helplessness all too well. This list could go on and on, but none of that is what's important here.
I guess what struck me is, once again, the vast differences between human beings, and this is something that fascinates me to no end. Why do people think as they do? Why does one prefer red and the other, blue? Why is one good, but the other is bad? Of course, I could be thinking way too much about one thing someone posted on Facebook, but, to me, what's important is that it made me think about who I am and why I am that person. It's a good start, for me, because, here lately, I've been so unsure of so many things. That's a departure for me. One I've decided I can no longer live with.
Let's start with the basics.
I'm 41 years old. I'm single/divorced. I word it this way because my marriage was so very long ago that I feel like "divorced" no longer defines my current state of affairs. I married a month out of high school because A.) I was pregnant and B.) I wanted to leave home. My marriage wasn't ever great. There never really was the potential for "happily ever after". It was, in fact, a quick fix for what ailed me, and what ailed me was a loathing and contempt for living in my mother's home in Akron,OH. Soon, however, what ailed me more was living with a physically abusive man.
Go ahead, go on about how awful that must have been. Guess what? It wasn't the worst thing that's ever happened to me. It was pretty easy to get out of it, actually. Why? Because physical abuse is easy. You can see it for what it is. It's not like emotional or mental abuse, you know, the kind that causes you to question, "is this really happening, or am I imagining things?" or "really? Maybe I am a complete and total fuck up." Physical abuse? There's no denying what it is... When someone slams you in the face with their fist, it's plain as day, sweetheart. Get the fuck out. So I did. The only thing it cost me was my pride in having to return to a place I hated. Oh well... Like I said, worse things have happened to me. In fact, I don't even count my marriage as my most significant relationship.
I'm not, in fact, entirely sure any of them have been the most significant. They're all bits and pieces of the patchwork quilt that is me and who I am. It's colorful, and the patches are all intricately sewn together. The colors don't particularly match, but it's mismatching in a way that creates a stunning conglomeration of beauty and reality. Welcome to my world.
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