One of my resolutions was to work on getting myself into a shape that is not "round". After living my history and seeing my future and where that is heading, I made a decision to look into bariatric surgery.
Was this decision made easier by knowing people who have had this done and have had wonderful success with it? I'd be lying if I said no. The thing is? Sometimes others show things to us we may not have thought of before. Sometimes the example of another shows us there is a way out of feeling despair over a situation you feel you have no control over.
I'm never going to be one of those people. I'm never going to accept myself the way that I am. Everyone else does, but I don't. I have learned, over time, that I'm the one with the issues about my body. I guess it took meeting Michael to make me realize that. I know he sees beyond all this blobbiness I have. I know he loves me exactly the way I am right this very minute. The thing is? I don't. Now I know that. I thought if I met someone who loved me as I am that it would, somehow, cause me to do the same. I know now that this simply isn't true.
I've had my doctor tell me, not so long ago, that, if I don't watch it, I'm going to start getting sick because of this extra weight. The kinds of sickness I will get could ultimately cause my death. That scared the shit out of me for a while, and I busted my ass, yet again, for a while, and, yet again, I let it all go only to end up worse off than I was to begin with. I can feel my health deteriorating. I'm tired of having no energy. I'm tired of always worrying about my rolls showing. I'm tired of thinking if I'm so disguated with myself then everyone else should be too. Anywho...
I've done a lot of reasearch, and believe me, it's far from the easy way out. Those of you who can have success with modifying your food and exercising for a while, well, I'm happy for you. What you will be able to do that I won't be able to do is break your diet and binge on a pizza for the evening and get back on your wagon the next morning. I won't ever be able to do that again.
My consultation is this Wednesday. I'm looking forward to getting started. I'm looking forward to progress.
