Today, I hate myself for what I have allowed myself to become. Please spare me the, "oh, you're beautiful," for they would be wasted words I simply would not hear or believe. To me, I am about as far from beautiful as Akron is from China.
A friend told me the other day about self-loathing. We got off on another tangent of conversation, but I wanted to go back and tell her that I knew what she meant. Then again, maybe I was right not to. It's hard to know what's right and what isn't. Anyhow, I hate me again, and it's time to do something about it. I did it before, and I know I can do it again.
I wonder how much better I can get in the 314 days remaining until I very well could... well... let's save that fear for another time. 317 days until my next birthday. I wonder what I can do before then.
Don't worry. I won't give you that, "Oh, you are beautiful and wonderful!" speech. You'll see it when you're ready to see it. We all go through self-loathing. You know you've got this.
ReplyDeleteWe're tough broads. ;-)
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