2:18

The wind outside sounds brutal. I hear it whistling around my window, just looking for a crack, an opening, so it can come inside and consume me. I guess keeping me awake isn't enough. When I wake up to a noise like that, it's hard to remember, through the vulnerability of sleepiness, that I'm safe and secure inside a building made of brick. Or... maybe I don't really believe that. Who knows? What I do know is that I want to be sleeping right now.

There's a kind of loneliness that being awake on a windy night evokes. I'm not sure I can even put my finger on it to describe it, but, I guess, to me, the wind sounds empty, which magnifies the literal and figurative emptiness around me. Usually, other things being around buffers the noise... breaks the wind, so to speak. (*giggle*) Yes... I'm so high up in this building that there is nothing around to break the force of the wind before it can slam into this building and whistle around the windows. Just as there is nothing buffering me from the sounds within myself that drive home the point, in the middle of the night, that I am all I have. Because it's all I need, which makes it a good thing.

See... this isn't a "poor me, I'm single" thing. I've felt this way in situations where I wasn't single. Other people can sleep through this kind of thing, so this is just a "me" thing. It's a lonely I embrace because it reminds me that "me" is the one thing I can count on. That's never a bad lesson to learn because people tend to rely too much on others to give them extraneous joy. This wind, it reminds me to look within to find my answers... Awake and alone, in the still of the night, the wind whips around me; it's a reminder to remove myself from "outside" and to place myself "within." Within is where I listen to the stillness that assures me, "I've got this", and "trust yourself."

I like how, at the beginning of this, I had the wind as my enemy. Now, I see it as my friend. How... appropriate, I suppose. So many changes lately... so many things have come along that, just a few weeks back, seemed completely horrible. Now... I see them as good things... The changes that were my enemies have become my friends. Now, whatever is to be will be. I give it over to the universe to put me where I need to be. I am whole, I am strong, I am happy, and I can handle whatever it is that is brought my way.

2:53... I need to try to sleep again.